What Does Battlestar Galactica have to do with Postpartum Depression?

Now, I like this show. However, it's visually dark and it can easily alter my mood.

Now, I like this show. However, it is visually   dark and it can easily alter my mood.

I was about four weeks postpartum when H returned to work.  Still feeling guilty and inadequate, I felt alone.

My friend was 30 weeks pregnant and had been recently diagnosed with pre-eclampsia.  In the middle of the night her husband texted us both.  He requested prayer as he was taking her to the hospital, her blood pressure was out of control.

She received a double-life-saving cesarean section, her daughter weighed less than 4 pounds.  Unfortunately, my friend did not have a fast recovery.  As her organs struggled to function, we didn’t know if she would live.

H was working an 11 hour shift that day.  I had no way to get to the hospital to see my friend.  On this cold, gray January day I did not have the ability to turn on the lights, to call someone for help.  I just cried on the couch and held my precious baby.  Certain she deserved a better, more capable mother; I turned on the only thing I hadn’t watched in our iTunes: season 2 of Battlestar Galactica. Without any context I watched and my spirits sunk.

Fellow geeks, fear not. I have since healed emotionally and watched it from the beginning and like it.  But even now, I can’t watch it on a hard day.  I guess it is so well done that it easily changes my mood.

The Edinburg Postnatal Depression Scale is a tool developed for physicians to help them determine if a woman might be suffering from PPD.  For the sake of accountability, I took it again today.  My score was 9.  Had I taken this after Z was born, it would have been a score of 22.

If you are struggling with this, please ask for help.  Depression can look different for each individual.  I think I mentioned in a previous post that anger is a clear sign to me that I am “not okay.”

There are so many ways to get through these tough, sometimes dark, days.  You are not alone.  I really thought I was.  So many other moms are right there with you, we just don’t know it.  It is scary to be vulnerable.

Talk to your doctor, consider therapy, consider medication, consider natural remedies.  How you heal does not have to look the same as me, or anyone else.

My friend recovered slowly, her baby came home.  They are healthy, two miracles.  I survived that trauma.  Hang on, do not do it alone, ask for support.  You deserve TLC.

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