If I Could Turn Back Time

parenting This post is not intended to bash any parent, or spark a mommy war.  It’s intent is to share my regrets, why I regret some choices.

I would have trusted my instincts

If I could go back to my pregnant self, I would have trusted my instincts that something was abnormal about my breasts.  I had always felt insecure about the shape and size, but I thought pregnancy would bring the “booby fairy” along to perk me up. When she didn’t show up in pregnancy, I thought she’d show up when my milk came in.  She never came.  I now understand why, but that is for a future post.  Hint: avoid BPA exposure and eat proteins and vegetables.

So if I could go back, I would have questioned this instead of accepting the factual statement: breast size does not impact milk production.  Totally true, but I KNEW deep down that something wasn’t right about my anatomy.  I wish I had trusted my instinct and searched for more answers.

I would think more critically about parenting advice

I tend to accept things I hear pretty easily.  I tend to scrutinize things I read.  I attended a class with my husband “On Becoming Babywise.”  Several friends swore by it, and several friends swore about it.  I thought the baby wise method made sense, and that some people took it too far.  I wasn’t going to be one of those people.

To be fair, we tried this method for all of two days.  When it was clear there was a problem with breastfeeding, it went out the window.  By the way, the book does not recommend using this method until at least 8 weeks, but we were encouraged to start immediately.

Anyway, even when we abandoned the method, I still felt guilt for not doing it. I honestly felt bad about feeding on cue, and allowing Z to just suckle.  I am thankful that I couldn’t let her “cry it out.”  I discovered that every time she cried, I could meet her need or comfort her by: feeding her, changing her or holding her.  I am glad we ditched the hard-core routine message of the book and just took care of her as seemed logical.

I remember being a child and being scared of the dark, or being alone in my room.  I remember being unable to articulate what my need was, but I knew I needed to be physically close to my parents.  Now, as a parent in a full-size bed, I understand how that can be frustrating.  This is why I regret not thinking more critically about BW.  I remembered being scared, sad or lonely as a little girl.  Babywise methods didn’t match up with my experience, and I think I should have evaluated it more before accepting it.

I would have eaten more protein

This was reinforced at every prenatal appointment, every pregnancy book, and all the PCOS research supports it.  Basically, I didn’t think it was for me because I hated meat, so there was nothing I could do about it.  

I now understand that excessive carbohydrate consumption and lack of protein are detrimental to my milk supply.

I would have made it myself

Herbs are expensive!  I would have bought a bottle of More Milk Special Blend to get me through. Then I would buy the same herbs in bulk for $53 and a few bottles of vodka. Tinctures are SO easy to make, and way more affordable.

Skip Oatmeal and Lactation Cookies

Insulin Resistance, which you likely are if you have PCO/S, is a significant gator in milk production.  The last thing my body needed was extra carbs.  The last thing my self esteem needed was weight gain.

So, those are my major regrets.  They might seem random, but each of those choices led me to a series of “what ifs” that I wrestle with to this day.

There is never a shortage of opportunity to question yourself as a parent.  Fortunately, there is never a shortage of grace.  Just don’t deny yourself the grace.  We aren’t failures, even if we make a choice we later dislike.

Comments

  1. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes during my third trimester. I tried to eat really well while pregnant, but could not stand any meat. Thus sending me to eat more carbs just to get something into my stomach and calories to my baby. My little one gained 3 pounds between week 34 and 36 (he measured 9 pounds at 36 weeks, which led my doctor and I to agree that a scheduled c section at 39 weeks would be the best for both of our health. I will always wonder if I had eaten less carbs or agreed to be on insulin during the last trimester if it would have resulted in my being able to have a vaginal birth. We are both happy and healthy now but I’ll always wonder if I could have done more.

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