Counting My Blessings

Today, I took baby J to my office to get some work done.  I got a little done, about one-third of what I had hoped to accomplish.  I’m under some intense deadlines right now, as is my husband.  I think, I hope, it is natural to feel a little frustrated at the putsy-silliness of kids.  When trying to get out the door on time, or trying to get a simple task done, I tend to feel annoyed.

I am a hurrier, I want to get things done, quickly.  I like to multitask, I  am pretty good at it too.  However, it backfires on me just as often as it helps me.  Typing too fast on my smartphone leads to some interesting typos, and embarrassingly inaccurate auto-corrects.  I’m coming around to the idea of slowing down and just enjoying and embracing the moments.

I paused to think about what I am supposed to write today.  I am writing to myself today.  I need to count my blessings.

Not to sit on my cozy couch and feel great about how blessed I am.  Rather, to appreciate the gifts I’ve been given and be humbled knowing I do not deserve them.  This isn’t popular self-esteem talk, and I understand why some will not agree.  From the filter of a Christ-follower, I know this: I deserve death.

Instead, and I’ll never quite understand why, he gave me life.  He’s given me and abundant life.  An incredibly patient, respectful, loving husband and three beautiful healthy children. I am not worthy of them, and that humbles me.

Counting my blessings isn’t about comparing myself to someone else’s misfortunes and thinking “I could be so much worse off.”  I used to think this way.  Yes, I do have a luxurious life compared to many.  Counting my blessings and appreciating them, being grateful is what it is about.

Instead of be annoyed at a toddler throwing a tantrum, breathing deeply and being thankful for the chance to teach my little one how to cope.  To breath deeply and give an example of how to cope.

Choosing not to be frustrated that she wants to wear her shoes on the wrong feet, yet again.  Choosing to let her have that option, and being kind to her as she learns the consequence of that choice.

Instead of being angry at little baby hands that get in the way of nursing, gently taking that hand and guide her back.  Letting her squeeze my finger, allowing myself to fall more in love with who she is.

Focusing on all the good my husband brings me, instead of focusing on something he did differently than I would have.

I am humbled, I am thankful, these blessings afford me not only the opportunity to BE a blessing, but they give me the chance to be a better person.  These moments when I choose not to hurry and speak hastily, I can show the love of Jesus Christ.  I can exemplify his kindness, mercy, his wisdom, patience.

 

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