31 Days Postpartum Reflection

I am so glad I committed to this writing challenge.  My husband told me, back in August, that it would be too much.  It probably wasn’t wise to do it, and I agreed. Then, for some foolish reason I did anyway.

Being “Real”

The discipline of writing, everyday, for 31 days.  Well, actually every day for 29 days, and two days where I wrote twice.  Has forced me to be more real than I would like to be.  My days are full enough that polishing every post in the way I want them to sound would require me to neglect my relationships and responsibilities.

I’ve learned a thing or two about being real in the last 31 days.  It is frightening to put my heart out there for anyone to see, barely edited.  It is rewarding, in this experiment I have received so many kind words from other women as I have shared my most vulnerable memories and moments.  To be honest, I expected harshness, I found connection.

I have a lot to say, even though my punctuation and grammar could stand some improvement.

Being Disciplined

I have always desired to be the gal who gets up at 5:30 a.m., exercises, reads, eats a healthy breakfast, completes everything on the checklist and is in bed at a reasonable hour.  I’ve never really been that person, not for long at least.  I’ve learned that discipline can look differently than that.  Most of this challenge, my posts have been written within an hour of my “midnight” deadline. Right now it’s is 12:31 am, on Sunday, November 1.

Technically, I have failed myself and this challenge.

Yet, the practice of writing once ever 26 hours is discipline none the less. I’ve come a long way.  From thinking every day for months about writing, and only have the courage and discipline once to write, to doing it daily is a major step.

I have not done it perfectly, not the way I have imagined, but I have done it.

Costly

My husband, who is amazing, is comforting my very sad daughter who simply wants to nurse back to sleep.  It hurts my heart to hear her cry, but I need to write.  I’m compelled and called, and my family chips in to that cost.

Very Healing

I don’t have all the words for this right now, I am so tired.   I am also typing while nursing, so I feel a little anxious.  Writing out some of these stories and then reading them has allowed me to see that I have done a great job. My lactation may have “failed” but I didn’t.  That was not my perspective 32 days ago, and it is now.  It’s been so healing.

Thank you for being on this journey with me.  I hope it has blessed you, it has really blessed me.

 

Comments

  1. Thanks for writing! I enjoyed reading your series!

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